Angry? No. Frustrated? No. Disappointed? YES! Wait, no. I don't even know my exact feelings now. I'm so lost and left hanging in the air. There's no wind to even blow me to a direction. Where is the light of my life? Where is the opening of the tunnel? Where is my getaway?
Twitter followers must have noticed how much I've changed these days from someone who talks only about studies and daily life to someone who started cursing and throwing vulgarities in almost every single post update. Here, I apologize for all the harsh words I've used but nothing can really explains my heart, soul, mind and emotions apart from them. I'm trying my very best to not use any of those words and replacing with whatever that I can think of.
The sudden change. It does not happen for no reason as everything happens for a reason. How much pain I've been through is immeasurable. Imagine a tiny cut on you is getting worse and is further infected to a state where only time can heal. This is where I'm at now. I keep telling myself not to let things like this to bother me when I'm in school but it is rather impossible. HIGHLY impossible I would say. It's so fresh and it's glued to my brain. Even when in sleep, my dream would be more or less about the subject. Every dream I had from last week has been taken part by the subject. I don't want to be alone cause whenever I'm alone, my mind will wander, my eyes will start welling up, my brain is jammed and my sight gets blurry.
7 months. Why do you only give me 7 months of break? Why not longer? The pain doubles, the fragile heart is broken and the mindset has changed. WARNING: Beware people. I won't do any harm to the people around me but frankly, I will not know what I'll do to myself. Seriously, this is one of the worst feelings I've ever gone through. I have no direction, stranded in the middle of the path, don't know what in the world is going on.
My situation: Hopes are built but came crashing down. Trust is gained but it's meaningless now. Fate is accepted but not under my control to change it. I know what's gonna come if I really hop into it and I'm more than willing to do anything yet this is futile. Where are all the hopes you've given me? Where are all the assurance that you've sent me? Now, you of all people should know why didn't I take in promises? Look what you've done.
If only the next morning I wake up and realize that all these were just dreams, my life will be much simpler.
On the other hand, nearly got into an accident twice in two days. How reckless am I. Mind's not focusing. And I sprained my ankle again. FML.
0 backtalks:
Post a Comment